


Shaking Foundations

by NamelesslyNightlock



Series: Going Down Swinging [57]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Confused Tony, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, Earthquakes, Feelings Realization, Feels, Fluffy Ending, Fuckbuddies, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Kissing, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Lies, Loki (Marvel) to the rescue, M/M, Mutual Pining, Near Death Experiences, Non-Graphic Smut, Pining, Pining Loki (Marvel), Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Talking, Tony Stark Feels, Understanding, Warning: Loki (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:41:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24072352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: Tony and Loki have sex without feelings, and that’s just how Tony likes it– at least until Loki saves his life, and hidden feelings are forced to the surface.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Series: Going Down Swinging [57]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1330490
Comments: 44
Kudos: 384





	Shaking Foundations

**Author's Note:**

  * For [STARSdidathing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/STARSdidathing/gifts).



> Thanks once again to Stars for the idea for this one!  
>   
>  **Prompt** — _“I miss the way things used to be.”_

When Tony felt the floor begin to crack, he knew that it was going to kill him. There was no escape– the house was already far too damaged for Tony to be able to get to any of his suits, or even for any of them to be able to get to him. In a last-ditch effort, JARVIS said that he was flying some suits over from New York, but even if they hit their top speeds Tony knew there was no way they would be able to get to Malibu in time.

The walls were already falling, and he couldn’t reach the door. He had managed to get out of the bedroom but then got trapped in the living room. Well, at least he would have a perfect view of the ocean as he fell – or was crushed – to death.

When he built the house, he had been told that nothing could ever be structurally sound upon that cliff. He was told that it was impossible, that anything put there would just slide into the sea. Of course, Tony had never listened to what he was told, and he created something that would work. But even his genius, it seemed, was nothing in the face of mother nature– and the house was crumbling under the force of the worst earthquake the area had seen since 1994. Seemed like, for once, Tony wouldn’t be the one who got to say I told you so.

Yeah, well. From the feel of this one, half of California was about to slip into the sea. It’s not like anyone else could have done any better.

The ceiling was breaking, the ground was shifting below his feet. He could barely stay standing, the shaking so strong that it rattled his knees, the _noise_ so awful he felt like it would crack his skull long before the debris ever reached him. Still, he had yet to give up, and he ran for the table on the other side of the room, remembering that underneath it was the best place to be—

A particularly violent tremor knocked him off his feet, and Tony fell to his knees. Lucky, really, since a chunk of the ceiling landed right between him and the table.

Right, okay, there was a coffee table over by the window. Maybe, if he could reach that—

Not that it would do any good. The window was going to be the first bit of the house to slip into the Pacific.

Even as he watched, the ground actually _split_ , a whole section beginning to slide away and leaving Tony kneeling in the open, breathing in the ocean air.

Well. This was it.

He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself. It could have been worse, after all. But every breath grew more panicked, and he felt like he should still be fighting even if it was hopeless—

Then he heard a panicked yell, something that should have been impossible because he _knew_ he was the only one in the house, and JARVIS had long since lost his connection.

But the arms that grabbed his waist were unmistakeable after a year of sleeping with the person they belonged to, and as Tony’s eyes flew open he saw something so very, _very_ green—

Then Tony stumbled into his penthouse in New York, and the world was blissfully _still_.

He could still feel Loki’s arms around him, holding him close against Loki’s chest. Loki was whispering something, his voice rushed and quick, his breathing shallow as it brushed over Tony’s hair. After a few minutes, when Tony’s heart had started to slow, Loki’s hands cupped Tony’s cheeks.

“Anthony,” Loki whispered. “Anthony, look at me.”

Tony glanced up to meet Loki’s green eyes, staring at the worry there in slight confusion. Why would Loki be worried?

Loki sighed. “You’re not injured?” he asked.

“I’m fine,” Tony said. “Thanks to you, I guess. You… you saved me.”

“Yes,” Loki said. “I did.”

The emotion in Loki’s eyes was so raw, so _frightened_ , and Tony realised…

_Huh._

It was a wonder that he had not seen it before, although… he supposed that Loki must have been hiding it.

Tony and Loki had been fucking for over a year, but, that was _it_. They still fought each other on the battlefield, and if the Avengers ever managed to catch him, Loki wouldn’t be met with any help or sympathy from _Tony_ – and he knew it would be the same in the reverse situation. There were no _feelings_ between them, nothing more than lust, the satiation of desires, the adrenaline which came from fucking the _enemy_.

Because yeah, they were _enemies_ , and yet…

Loki had saved his life—

Because he… cared?

No, more than that.

Loki was looking at Tony now like he was in love with him, and in that moment, Tony didn’t know how to react to that. There weren’t _supposed_ to be any feelings. That was how they worked. That was how Tony _liked_ it.

Loki must have seen the realisation in Tony’s expression, for in that moment he stepped back as if he had been burned, his hands falling to his sides.

“I didn’t want to lose you,” Loki said quickly, giving Tony the explanation he had yet to ask for– though Loki’s voice held far less emotion than his eyes. “We have fun together, and I thought it would be a shame to put an end to it when I had the chance to do something about it.”

“So you saved me because you like to fuck me?” Tony asked, arching a brow.

“What other reason is there?” Loki asked pointedly. “It is not as if I did so because I enjoy our riveting conversations.”

Tony narrowed his eyes, and Loki rolled his own.

“I believe you are tired,” Loki said. “I will leave you now. And Stark?” he said. “You owe me.”

Before Tony could say another thing, Loki was gone, leaving Tony alone.

But Tony knew he hadn’t imagined the slight tremor of Loki’s fingers just before he had left, nor the strain in Loki’s expression as he had rolled his eyes.

Tony knew that Loki had lied, but… Tony didn’t know how _he_ felt about that, and he knew it would take some time until he did.

—

Over the coming days, Tony threw himself into helping to rebuild the damage done by the earthquake– including but not limited to that done to his own house, which he was still planning to rebuild on the same fucking cliff because fuck everyone who told him that he couldn’t.

But even though he was working far harder than usual, the distraction wasn’t enough. He couldn’t stop thinking about what Loki had done– how Loki clearly _felt_.

Tony knew that Loki was in love with him, but he didn’t think that he felt the same way. He didn’t want to lose what they had though, because he _did_ enjoy his time with Loki, and even if he would easily survive the loss he knew that he would _miss_ it.

But the days turned into weeks, and Tony did not hear a single thing from his clandestine lover. He was still living in New York, flying back over in a suit every now and then to check on the building work, to make sure that the overpaid construction team were following his instructions to the letter. He was involved in SI, he was heading a charity fund for the rebuild effort, he was still an acting Avenger and he still had all his other duties and _he still could not stop thinking about Loki_.

It was getting ridiculous. It wasn’t supposed to be this way, he didn’t think he’d spent this much time worrying over a single person at any point during his whole _life_.

He didn’t feel anything for Loki.

He _didn’t_.

…he still asked JARVIS about what had happened the day of the earthquake, though.

JARVIS’ answer, of course, only confirmed everything Tony had already worked out. JARVIS _had_ been the one to inform Loki of the situation, because he had been desperate and willing to try _anything_ – but he’d hardly got through half a sentence before Loki was already in Malibu, saving Tony’s life. Loki hadn’t needed any convincing, like JARVIS had thought that he would– Loki had acted so quickly it might as well have been instinctual, as if saving Tony’s life was a reflex reaction that did not need thinking about.

Knowing what Tony knew now, it made sense.

But what _didn’t_ was that Loki had been radio-silent ever since, not texting, not showing up out of the blue, not even causing havoc like he normally did. He was just… gone.

It bothered Tony more than it should have, because what if Loki regretted what he had done? What if… now that Loki knew that _Tony_ knew, he didn’t want to continue their arrangement?

Loki had been living with his feelings for a while, that much was probably true. He was most likely waiting for Tony to make the first move, thinking that _Tony_ wouldn’t want to continue after what he had only just discovered.

Well, that wasn’t the case– but if sucking it up and sending a message was what was needed to have a conversation, then that was what he was going to do. Because, yes– he realised that _talking_ was probably what needed to happen now, since it was clear that Loki was actually _serious_ and Tony still… wasn’t.

But Tony also still didn’t want to _lose_ the arrangement with Loki, and at least for now, wasn’t that enough of a sign of, well. Not exactly that he wanted something more, but… ugh. He still didn’t know how he _felt_ , but he knew enough to know that he didn’t want to lose _Loki_. Not now, not over this.

Tony stared at his phone for some time, trying to work out what to say. He knew that _we need to talk_ would never go over well, but any variant on that would probably sound like some kind of trap.

No.

If he wanted to talk to Loki, he was just going to have to pretend like everything was normal.

 _I thought you said you didn’t want to lose your fuck buddy_ , he typed. Then he hit send, chucked his phone onto the bench behind him, and turned to focus back on the mess of metal and wires in front of him. He hoped that the distraction would be enough, but as it turned out it wasn’t needed– because it was barely five seconds later that he heard a welcome voice.

“You called?” Loki drawled. Tony turned to see that Loki had appeared in his workshop, leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest. There was no evidence of how he felt in either his voice nor his posture, and his expression was painted with a smirk that felt empty and blank.

“Yes,” Tony said. He stood from his seat to face Loki head on, not wanting to lose his nerve. “Loki, I think that we should—”

Tony was interrupted as Loki’s lips crashed against his in a violent kiss, arms going around Tony’s waist before sliding lower and picking him up with ease. Tony gasped against Loki’s mouth, completely taken unawares, shocked by the intensity.

Loki kissed like he was starving for it, he kissed like there was something he wanted and would not hesitate to get. Tony’s back hit the wall with enough force to bruise, and his clothes were gone a single breath later.

“Loki,” he gasped, hoping to slow him down because as good as this was, they still needed to _talk_ —

But then Loki was kissing him again, hardly leaving a chance to breathe as his lips attacked Tony’s, harsh and forceful in a way that Loki usually wasn’t. Tony was lost in moments, his gasps turning to moans of Loki’s name and hoarse curses as first Loki’s fingers and then his cock slammed into him, thrusting hard and fast with vicious growls which tore Tony apart. Neither of them lasted very long, and by the time Loki was pulling out of him Tony could barely see straight, his head hazy with pleasure.

Tony slid down the wall, feeling sated and boneless, barely able to form words. It was only when Loki disappeared with a smirk that Tony realised it had been… different, that even though Loki had made sure it was _good_ , even though Tony had enjoyed every moment, he felt like… there was something not quite right, like there was something missing that never had been missing before.

And it was only then, when he was alone and cold with his breath finally starting to slow that Tony realised just _what_ had been so different.

Sex with Loki was never _just_ the sex. Loki was all about the softer touches, the foreplay, the holding Tony close afterwards even if only for a moment, just making sure that Tony was okay, that he was _comfortable_. Tony had always figured that was how Loki was, and he had always felt a little proud that he got to see this side to Loki that he was willing to bet not many had before—

Now, of course, he wondered if he was the _only_ one who had seen that side to Loki, because apparently that wasn’t just how Loki acted during sex. That was just how he acted with someone he loved.

But… he hadn’t _this_ time. He had fucked Tony against the wall and left, as if… well. As if he felt nothing, as if all he and Tony had _was_ the fucking.

And hey, wasn’t that what Tony wanted? To keep the fucking without the feeling?

No. No, it wasn’t what he wanted, because it wasn’t the same. It didn’t… feel like Loki, and Tony found himself worried that maybe he _had_ lost something, after all.

Well, hey. Maybe it would be all right. Maybe Loki was just reeling from the worry, and this had reassured him enough so that next time, things would be back to normal.

Maybe, what had happened was just this one time.

—

It wasn’t just the one time.

The next time Tony saw Loki, Loki took hold of him, pressed him into the mattress, fucked him just as hard as before and then left, hardly even saying a word. He didn’t even utter Tony’s name anymore, not like he used to, not like he always _had_. If he did talk he always used _Stark_ , and Tony couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard an ‘Anthony’ fall from Loki’s lips.

It felt like all of the affection between them was gone, and Tony– well, he missed it.

Tony knew why this was happening, of course. He knew that Loki had started this out of fear, thinking that Tony didn’t want to be reminded of the way that Loki felt– thinking that this was the only way he would be able to keep Tony in his bed.

But as time continued to pass, as Tony began yearn more and more for the affection he once had… Tony began to realise that Loki wasn’t the only one who had started to _feel_ something.

Tony knew he needed to talk to Loki about this, now more than ever, because they were both hurting and the only way to fix it would be to admit the truth on both sides. But the longer Tony waited, the more he realised what he had to lose, and the more afraid he became that he had waited _too_ long.

Because what if he had hurt Loki too badly, what if Loki no longer felt the desire for anything more? What if Loki had learned to like the way they were, had become content with this empty fucking which only ever felt like a lie?

What if… Loki didn’t want him anymore?

And, even if Loki _did…_ Tony knew that any attempt at a relationship wouldn’t work well. They didn’t know each other outside of sex, something that Loki had pinpointed so clearly the day of the earthquake.

_It is not as if I did so because I enjoy our riveting conversations._

All they’d ever had was physical attraction– and yeah, okay, so sex appeal was something Tony had in spades. But history proved that whenever anyone got to know him as a person, they always backed away. And if Loki spent more than five minutes having a normal conversation with Tony, Loki would realise that Tony wasn’t the kind of person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with anyway.

But then… maybe Loki had realised that already.

Loki barely even kissed him, and when he did he avoided Tony’s lips. He would mouth at Tony’s neck and chest sometimes, leaving bruises that he would disinterestedly heal before he left. Sometimes, Loki’s lips would brush over Tony’s jaw, heading toward the corner of Tony’s mouth– but then he would always jerk away, as if he had forgotten for a moment that he didn’t do that anymore.

It was growing to be too much, the emptiness was starting to _hurt_. Tony could see in Loki’s eyes that he was hurting as well, and…

Being together like this was painful. If there was a chance for something more, then Tony was just going to have to bite the bullet and take that leap of faith.

There wasn’t really another choice.

So the next time Loki came to him, Tony tried to stop him. The lack of kisses meant that he was free to talk, and he doubted Loki would break his silent rule just to shut Tony up– so the moment Loki walked him toward the couch, Tony pushed back against Loki’s shoulders.

“Wait,” he said. “I want to talk to you first.”

“That _is_ a shame,” Loki said darkly. “I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed, because I do not wish to talk to you.” He pushed Tony down onto the couch then, straddling his lap and grinding down with his hips. Once, it might have been difficult not to give in to that, but things were different now. Tony _knew_ that it wasn’t everything, he knew that there was more than _this_. So he grabbed Loki’s hips in an effort to try and keep him still, and he used the words that he _knew_ would work.

“Loki, _no,_ ” Tony snapped. “I want you to stop.”

And sure enough, Loki stopped, just like Tony knew he would.

“Stark?” Loki asked, raising his brows. “Is something wrong?”

“Yes,” Tony said immediately. “Yes, there is definitely something wrong, Loki. We need to talk.”

Loki flinched at that, and Tony sighed. His hands were still on Loki’s hips, and he stroked over the leather with his thumbs in an effort to reassure him that it wasn’t something bad.

“Loki,” he said, deciding to try and start on something simple. “Why don’t you kiss me anymore?”

“Because I don’t want to,” Loki replied stiffly, staring at something over Tony’s shoulder. “And I do believe that I don’t have to.”

“Of course you don’t,” Tony said. “But I just—”

“You just what?” Loki snapped, finally meeting Tony’s gaze. Loki’s eyes bore into him with a fierceness that Tony realised he had not seen in a while—

And it was in that moment that Tony was suddenly so very aware of the fact that they were still so close, that Loki was still on his lap. It seemed that Loki realised it at the same time, for then he stood up with a suddenness that left Tony startled. Loki turned away from Tony, running a strained hand through his hair.

“What is it that you _want,_ Stark?” Loki asked harshly. “What do you want from me? Why are you asking me these things?”

“I just…” Tony sighed, his breath escaping him in that heavy exhale as his fingers curled into balls against his thighs. “I miss the way things used to be. I miss the way we were, before I realised that you loved me.”

Loki flinched again, harder than the first time. Tony knew that Loki had already known, of course, but… it was the first time Tony had admitted it.

There was a long moment of silence, during which both were coiled with such tension the air was singing with it.

Then—

“I can’t stop,” Loki, voice somewhere halfway between harsh and broken. “If that’s what you want. I have tried, and I _can’t._ ”

The last word was but a hiss, and it cut Tony to the bone.

“You can’t stop _what?”_ Tony asked, his own voice cracking. Because while those words could very likely just mean that Loki couldn’t stop coming back, even though it caused him pain… Tony was rather sure that wasn’t the case. He just– wanted to hear Loki _say_ it.

“I can’t stop loving you,” Loki whispered, closing his eyes– and as his shoulders slumped, he suddenly looked so utterly defeated. “I tried, because I know that’s not what you want from me. I know that this arrangement was only meant to be for pleasure, nothing more. But I could not help but fall in love with you, and now there is no going back. Not for me, no matter how much I wish it.”

“You _wanted_ it to stop?” Tony asked, feeling something sharp pierce his chest. “Loki…”

“Don’t you?” Loki asked bitterly. “The way you looked at me when you realised the way I felt, after I saved your life… you knew immediately that I didn’t do it because of the sex. You knew, and you were _horrified_. But I couldn’t let it happen, and the moment JARVIS called… I knew what I needed to do.” Loki clenched his fists, and when he spoke again… there was hardly any life left in his voice at all. “I am fine as we are, Anthony. Being with you at all… well, even this is better than nothing.”

It hurt, hearing that, knowing the pain that he had caused– and yet, that name falling from Loki’s lips for the first time in far too long was all Tony needed to steady himself.

“You’re right, it wasn’t what I wanted from you before,” Tony said. “But Loki… it’s something that I want _now_ , if you’re still willing to give it.”

Loki’s eyes widened, his whole body freezing for a moment as he stared at Tony in shock. “What?” he breathed.

“Look,” Tony sighed. “I’ve never been great around feelings. It’s always been easier, _simpler_ for me when they just aren’t there. The moment feelings get involved everything always goes to shit, and I didn’t want to fuck up what we had, because I knew that I _would_. But then I realised that feelings had got in the way regardless so yeah, I was _scared._ But I never meant to push you away, and Loki, I’m so sorry that I ever made you think that you’re not good enough because in truth, _I’m_ the one who’s not good enough for you.”

Loki had turned fully now, one hand slightly forward as if he were reaching for Tony. When Tony hesitantly stood up and stepped a little closer, Loki’s fingers curled into Tony’s shirt– and Tony didn’t think Loki even realised that he’d done it.

“What are you saying?” Loki breathed. “Are you… do you love me as well?”

Loki sounded so optimistic and so full of hope that Tony hated to say no. But he knew that to lie would have been a thousand times worse, so when he spoke, he gave voice to only the truth.

“Not… yet,” Tony said. “I don’t think so, anyway, but. Maybe, in time. And I know that’s not what you want, I know that’s not enough, but… Loki, I don’t think I can let you go, either. And I know that you mean a hell of lot more to me than I realised before.”

“And that’s enough,” Loki said softly. “Anthony… that’s more than enough, more than I ever thought I’d get.”

Tony knew that he didn’t want it to just be _enough_ , that Loki deserved far better. But for that, they needed _time_ – because one of Tony’s fears remained untested. They really didn’t know each other all that well, and all the chemistry and attraction in the world wouldn’t matter if it turned out that they couldn’t get along.

But that didn’t mean that he didn’t want to _try_.

Loki still looked a little nervous, like he was on uneven footing– and Tony felt the same way, as if he were right back in that earthquake. But he wanted to make this work, he wanted to stop being just _enough_. He wanted them both to find what they _wanted_.

And as Loki reached out to tentatively touch his hand to Tony’s cheek, Tony leaned into the touch with a smile.

“So what do we do now?” Loki asked, his eyes bright and excited.

“Spend some time together, get to know each other.” Tony smiled. “Go on a date, maybe. Go back to the beginning, so we’ve got a solid foundation to build apon.”

“I thought you didn’t care about solid foundations,” Loki said, his reserved expression melting into a sly smile. And hey, look at that. Maybe Loki _did_ know Tony better than Tony thought he did.

When Loki leaned forward and pressed his lips to Tony’s, the kiss was slow and gentle and everything that Tony had missed. And when they parted, Loki held him like he was the most precious thing in the world.

Tony knew, right then, that they had a chance of making it work between them, that they could find their happy ending– if only because it was what they _both_ wanted.

Because that, after all, was the most important thing—

And the only foundation they needed.


End file.
